The Truth

i know this is a cliche and all but i still have to say it,'the truth hurts'. and another thing i can boldly say is true is 'the truth will set you free' oh! yes it will. i have a little story to tell from my own personal experience. where to begin....

there was this guy in my high school class. his name is brandon*(not real name of course).well everyone except me thought he was cute. that's besides the point though. well we never talked;not even the occasional hi or hello. this was how we spent the three years of junior high school. oh wait! in the 3rd year of junior high, we had a rift...funny right??? considering we do not even talk. it was all because of an art assignment. well he didn't do his and there was someone that had two. he begged the person for it and the person decided to take a vote on whether or not to give him. he asked 10 people myself and my friend included. well majority said no.brandon asked the guy who the majority were and funny enough the guy only said my name and that of my friend. well that was were we started to talk by not talking...irony huh? anyway senior high school came and we were in the same class again. funny enough he's seat was directly behind mine. little by little we got talking and i found out that he was a nice guy and was cool. so at that time i thought we were friends.we got closer and closer...from my own point of view.well in our final year in high school, i finally asked him about the junior school incident and he was like 'why did i say no?' iwas like, 'that was my opinion and you were being childish about it' blah blah blah.anyway after our final exams we all used to play cards a lot and it was sooo much fun...and i used to win a lot so whenever i wanted to join a game the guys would always yell at me that i should go.guys...they were scared of a girl beating them. brandon was actually the most violent about the card thing so i asked him why he yelled at only me and not my friend(the same one he had a rift with in junior high with me).guess what he said!'we are not that close'.boy was i happy.that was like the closest any guy had come to saying they cared about me. oh yeah and he sent me a message on xmas day sayin he wanted to be the first to say merry xmas. how sweet...except i think he forwarded that to everyone in his address book. anyway am just saying all these to explain how our relationship was.don't get me wrong..i don't like this guy as in i want to go out with him..i love(or should i say loved him) i mean i sent him a bday card across continents.back to the story.we graduated from high school and now he's in college on a different continent.we chatted a lotlike almost everyday about really random stuff and i was actually feeling like we were pretty close for me to tell him some personal stuff. boy was i wrong!then suddenly in the blink of an eye...precisely at the point were i was going to spill my guts to him...he cut me off. i mean i sent him emails, chat messages and skyped him but he didn't reply. the last message i got from him which was actaully written like with a little thought was in july...after i sent him a sad mail..like why did u cut me off.well after his mail i though ok we are good now but i was wrong.we were far from good...very far.it got worse after that.after a few months i sent him a mail and was like your online on skype and yet you don't answer.then i get a stupid reply,'oh yeah i'm always online on skype but that doesn't mean am there. i saw your messages' uh huh and you didn't think it required a reply huh? well i kept trying to reach him but nah nah no reply. this hurts a lot because i know that he sees my messages.he can't say his never there cuz he writes on peoples walls on facebook. my frends were like forget this guy but i kept trying. ok this was when the truth hit me....the most painful part. i was chatting with my best friend and we were discussing guys when i brought brandon up. i told her everything and guess what she said,'he really doesn't or doesn't really...how should i say it...care about you'.POW!!!staright to my face. the tears just started flowing. i felt like my heart was breaking...it really really hurt. don't get me wrong here..i do not like this guy as in wanting to go out with him..i loved him as a friend. i cried a little...ok more than a little. then i thought about it.i reviewed our relationship and i realized that may be or may be not that was the truth. i decided it was the truth and boy i felt relieved...like the weight had been lifted off my shoulders. i felt free and light. it seemed like i had known all along but i just needed a confirmation. all the hurt and the pain just left me. i told my girlfriend i was over it and she was like don't worry dori it will take time. i said whatever and she was like no!!you can't just say whatever because he meant a lot to you. yes i really care about him but now i have realized that the feeling isn't mutual. he may have a different point of view but right now this is what i take as the truth. you know am still a little confused..if he didn't care why did he not just find a way to let me know and save myself all the time. energy and the pain.oh well.....that's for him to answer.

so ladies and gentlemen...the truth hurts..oh yea a heck lot...but it does set you free afterwards.right now i feel like i can fly!!!! so Brandon...thanks for letting me learn that the hard way.

ciao amigos!!!

dori!